November 30, 2011

Wow, November is over.  I would characterize ours as one marked by mild weather and transitions. 

When I first moved back to Telluride from Maui, and started dating JC, I was very fearful of routine.  Although my life in Hawaii had some moderate routines, my job schedule changed weekly, and with the exception of always going to Marc's yoga class on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, I would spend some portion of each day and each hour, trying to figure out what I was going to do next.  I had extra time and extra money and no committing relationships.

After living here a few months and figuring out that I cannot make a living teaching yoga (nor did I want to), landing my first (I know) 9-5 job and dating someone with kids part-time, I felt a suffocating sense of foreboding.  Seriously?  I have to be at the same place 5 days a week... at the same time?  Every other weekend I can't do what I want, when I want, because kids are hanging around?  My perception was that falling into a routine would feel stifling, or contained.

Here was my Big Surprise.  Being free of the weekly-daily-hourly questions of what should I do with my self and my time was a huge relief.  It was exhausting to wake up and not know how I would fill my day.  I had endless options, not just about my day but my entire future.  I truly felt like I could do pretty much anything I wanted.  It was overwhelming.

November has been about transitioning back into a winter routine.  And now that I am in routines that I like, I don't feel contained by them, I feel held by them.  I have not been stifled, I have been set free. 

Super duper bizarre and totally unexpected.  Who knew???