A Hot Cup of Moment

I passed by this church on my way to and from the retreat center every day. The idea was very fitting for our last day and the theme we touched on (and the theme of this entry).

So Sunday's sessions were better, but only marginally. The morning class was almost all arm balances, which I became convinced I am terrible at. I started class in an OK space, but it quickly spiralled out of control, to where I was feeling like a terrible yogini, questioning why I can't get them, why Marc never teaches them, why I am hiding in the corner of the room...blah blah blah. You get the idea. Arm balances are all about squeezing into your midline, and a lot about trust and having faith, and by the end of class I was on my back watching the clouds outside the windows drifting by thinking, this too shall pass. Thank god for those clouds. The theme of the class was basically about digging in--if you really want something you absolutely have to make the desire to attain it vastly bigger than fear and doubt. I noticed that before I start each pose I have a bfried, yet very real thought (an affirmation, really) that I won't be able to do it! What the hell? No wonder I have been unsuccessful, right?

We talked for a bit about the end of a cycle, and how to experience it as an upward spiral with a celebratory ending, so instead of feeling let down and a little empty, you feel like the moment is reaching this last burst or explosion of energy that launches you out, ready for the next moment. And also about really savoring the moment and drinking in the uniqueness of gatherings like this, to see in an instant, that you will never experience ANYthing again the same way because even if you try to replicate it, some aspect, even if it is just one minor part, will be absent or different. So drink up!

Thankfully it was warm and crystal clear and super sunny out, so on the break I visited a cool booksore called Ark. They have tons of cool stuff, notecards, jewelry, cds, books (of course) and general new agey/Asian-inspired gifts. I could have spent lots more time and lots more money but I managed to get out of there with the new Wah! cd, a pendulum and a pop-up altars book with four deities. But most importantly, I had to get out and sit in the sun for a couple of hours before the final session at 4.

Lots of forward folds, introspection, to round out the weekend. Plus, lots of hip openers. I had forgotten that I dreamt last night that I finally got my foot behind my head and in my dream I thought, It's not so much getting your foot behind your head as much as it is getting your ankle on the back of your neck! And then we did it in class and there was my ankle on the back of my neck! Go figure.

The theme for the last class was all about the student-teacher relationship, symbolized by the sun (teacher) radiating out that revelatory light and the moon (student) reflecting back the light of learning and understanding. We are always in both roles. I sat beside Skeeter and BJ, which was good for me, and also Maryanne Garvin, who used to live in Telluride but is now in Silverton. I liked her immediately and hope we cross paths more often.

I scooted out pretty quickly without a goodbye to John, just wanted to get out of get some space to really digest and absorb my experience over the past 48 hours. That and I wanted to get up to Ten Thousand Waves, this delightful Japanese spa just outside of Santa Fe. On the drive up the canyon I was rewarded with a huge expanse of fading blue sky, purply mountains containing it on either side of the valley, and the full moon rising in the east, while the sun was drifting below the horizon in the west. Both student and teacher, shining and reflecting, together in the same sky.

The spa was fantastic. I have never been to Japan, but this place fits my perception of what it looks and feels like there, with winding gravel paths lit by little lanterns, screen doors separating bathing areas and a bunch of big white people in kimonos wandering about in a massage and hot bath-induced dreamlike state.

You get an idea of what it is like, yes? I went to the women's tub, clothing optional, and encountered 5 lesbians, some of whom were wearing men's boxer shorts and that's it. Everyone else was naked. What were they hiding? I wanted to ask but my fear that they might actually show me held me back. Plus I was plunging into the cold bath and then steaming in the sauna, then back in the cold plunge then back with my new lesbian friends and was just enjoying the high from all the temperature changes that I couldn't be bothered. I had to tear myself away from the gift shop, escaping with a red plastic squirting koi to bring to Townes, my friend's son in Telluride, and I also bought myself this hair stick (FYI: I collect hairsticks, in case anyone is considering how many shopping days are left before my birthday and/or Christmas) that is part of an old kimono encased in plastic. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it is actually really really cool in real life. I will try to get a photo of it on here in case anyone, someone, might care to see it.

On the way back to my home away from home, I did something very uncharacteristic of me, I went to a drive-in at Sonic, and got a grilled cheese!! If you have never tried one, let me tell you, you have been missing out. They use Texas toast (big, thick , fluffy slices of buttery white bread) and a few slabs of easy-to-melt American "cheese" and give it a quick turn on the grill. And it cost less than two dollars. I was quite hungry and needed some comfort food.

Then I fell into fitful slumber, as the person staying in the room above me was quite noisy. What are they doing up there? It sounded like they were picking up duffle bags loaded with body parts (or so my imagination told me) from one part of the room to the other. All.Night.Long.